It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door...

You step onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet you may find yourself in the middle of 25,000 people running like they saw Lobelia!

whatever

Every time I think of the upcoming half-marathon I haphazardly signed up for, I try to calm my nerves by reminding myself… At least it's not as bad as Frodo's journey!  Since it's just a half-marathon, I'm simply viewing it as Frodo getting to Rivendell with the ring.  Forget Mordor.  Mordor is not happening. I will run 26.2 miles only if an elf volunteers to carry me most of the way on horseback.  So you can just keep your eye to yourself, Sauron… I won't be seeing you.

I'm running to Rivendell!  Well, most of the way -I'm sure I will have to take a few quick walking breaks.  I will also be stopping for snacks along the way.  This will keep me going, because I normally just don't run 13.1 miles.

I also came up with a map of milestones in my head the other day.  I was trying to get through a 10-mile practice run and it was getting boring.  So, I imagined Frodo's journey to Rivendell and debating the milestones in my head kept me entertained for at least a few miles.  



The course is something like this…

START - BAG END
Let's do this!  I will pretend Sam is with me instead of the other tens of thousands of runners who are going to be so far ahead of me.  That is fine, they can clear the way and distract all the wraiths and nosey hobbits.  I will be nervous, excited, cold, anxious, nervous, cold and I will probably notice that one of the several layers I am wearing is all wrong and itchy.

MILEPOST 1 - FARMER MAGGOT EXODUS
Completing the first mile is very important.  By that point, you realize "Hey, I'm actually doing this!"  I figure Milepost 1 should be Farmer Maggot's, probably after running from him and falling on my… turnips.  Hopefully I will not actually simulate this, as I did last week when attempting to trail run in the leaves.

MILEPOST 2 - WELCOME TO BREE
This and the following are all predictions based on practice runs and I will be speaking in the present tense as if it is actually happening.
Not as enchanted at this point, but still getting there.  I can see the gates of Bree and I had to haul hobbit arse to get across the Brandywine in one piece.  I realize that this journey is happening but I'm as nervous as ever.  There are faster people everywhere and some guy with a beard is selling ale (I am told this actually happens… although I think it's free vodka and Coke).

MILEPOST 4 - ENTERING LONELANDS

Scram!

Tired and hungry at this point and I am definitely feeling why I usually stick to 2-3 mile runs.   I am not as cold now and I'm less distracted by clothing issues and the microscopic pebble in my shoe.  We're in this together, pebble!  I know I've come a good distance but I have a long way to go and that scares me.

MILEPOST 6 - WEATHERTOP 
There is a big hill and a lot of birds. Hobbits are chatting too much and I just want to get to the finish.  I have neither the time nor patience for Nazgûl right now, unless I am guaranteed a free horse ride to the finish line!

MILEPOST 8 - *#@&%$
Is that a bridge?   Where is Strider??  Are there dwarves attached to my legs???  Can I hide in a Porta Potty… like… forever????


MILEPOST 10 - FORD OF BRUINEN
Don't look now, but something really weird is going on in the James River.  Do I smell pipe weed?  Technically, since I have never actually run more than 10 miles, the rest of the way is a mystery.  I guess that is how Frodo felt when he woke up and saw Elrond.  Must… finish… Oh wait, my legs cannot move at anything greater than a 10° angle.  Please tell me this is a dream.

MILEPOST 13.1 - THE LAST HOMELY HOUSE
Chillin' with my hobbits who finished the race at least an hour ahead of me!  Let's show these elves how to party!  Bloody hell, how did Bilbo get here before me?!?



Actually, I will probably just want to go home and hide out somewhere warm while eating anything in sight.  I should bake up some mushroom pies and blackberry tarts!